I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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