I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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