I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
