I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
