Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
