be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize