Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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