none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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