the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
