i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Porn is love you can see.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
