can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
40s are totally the cure
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
