Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
