you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
