the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it because I queefed?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
