btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
