so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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