i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Come on in and take your pants off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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