at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
