Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
