worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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