i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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