Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
