Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize