his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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