You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
