Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
