I like my sex mixed with concussions.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
