How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
