You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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