Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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