He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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