I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
