Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
