i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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