I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
