just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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