Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
