don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
