I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
is it fun? or sober?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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