id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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