Me too!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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