sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
