I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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