im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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