and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
