I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
