you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
