the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
