theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
