I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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