I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
