I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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