do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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