So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
