I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
