worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
