Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
