Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
