i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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