you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
