You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
