bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
