they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
