okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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