i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
