apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
