i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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