apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
