i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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