dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
