we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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