bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
