dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
