i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dick very happy bro
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
