so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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