I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
