kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
