Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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