i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
