I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
