God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
