UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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