You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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