Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
