Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
